He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
