Me. At least after what I've been through.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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