Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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