Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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