McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
