I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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