i think my mom watched the whole time
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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