soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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