I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
