Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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