when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
