I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
