I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My Sexting was not on an AP level
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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