my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
being pregnant is like rehab
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
