i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
