I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
