see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
