So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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