turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
