6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Please don't give away my fajitas
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
