New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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