We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
