go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
