i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
