hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My bed smells like the plague
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
