They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How does it feel to date your dad?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
