Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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