I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
