I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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