I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
