Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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