i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
