is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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