Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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