I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
