And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
