oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm like, not good at living.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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