Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
