i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
