I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
