if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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