you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
