Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
