Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
