the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
