I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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