dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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