FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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