So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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