Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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