Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize