whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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