my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
