Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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