Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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