I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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