WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Alive.
So much puke
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
