Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
high people should be assigned attendants
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
