Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
