You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
