I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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