I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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