No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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