Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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