mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
