I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
