So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
