Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.