i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
nutella sex= disaster
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!