yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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