thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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