I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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