I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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