arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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