am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
false alarm, still single
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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