why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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