Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
