If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
