1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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