Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need water and some morals
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
