Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
