The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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