Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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