I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
